


tempest in a teapot

by angelheartbeat



Series: fuck it ill do it myself [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human, Coffee Shops, Fluff, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), M/M, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:42:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheartbeat/pseuds/angelheartbeat
Summary: Thor's never been one for coffee shops - but then, they don't typically have storm puns for drink names and the cutest barista he's ever seen.





	tempest in a teapot

**Author's Note:**

> i stay on that self-indulgent shit
> 
> ok but this is fr a culmination of some of my fav fic things bc. gotta hav me som self indulgence

"Hey! Welcome to Tempest in a Teapot, can I take your order?"

Thor blinked. He'd been spacing out, staring off into the middle distance and thinking about nothing in particular, and now the guy behind the counter was looking at him expectantly, and he'd barely even glanced at the drinks board.

"Uh." he said eloquently, focusing on the board above the barista's head. "Do all the drinks have storm puns for names?"

The barista laughed. "Yeah. Its kinda gimmicky, but you know. Gotta intrigue the customers somehow."

 _You'd do that fine,_ Thor thought, looking at the barista properly for the first time. He had greying hair despite not looking particularly old, and there were wire frames falling a little down his nose (he kept pushing them up every few seconds). He wasn't bad looking. He was actually pretty cute.

Realising he was probably staring and not deciding even a little bit, Thor jumped back to looking at the menu. "I'll have a... lightning latte. To go, please."

"Name?"

"Oh- Thor."

Suppressing a smile, the barista glanced up from the screen he was tapping Thor's order into. "Like the Norse god of thunder? You picked an ironic shop to come into, then."

"Yeah. The unfortunate names aren't just me, though. My whole family's cursed with them."

"I think its cool. Would you like anything else with your latte?"

"Oh, no thanks. I'm alright."

The barista smiled. "Okay, your total is two-fifty."

Digging in his wallet for change, Thor handed over two dollars and an assortment of change, hoping it was enough - luckily, the barista just counted it and said nothing. Well, Thor didn't really think of that as lucky. He had a nice voice. 

"It might take a little while - you've probably noticed its just me today. We're a little understaffed."

"I'm in no rush." That's a lie - he's meant to be meeting Loki in five minutes, and they always get mad when Thor's late. He can already imagine their disgruntled eye-roll when he rocks up after the agreed meeting time. Plus the subsequent cold shoulder until eventually they get too bored of silence.

Besides, standing here by the counter as the barista takes another order and starts preparing drinks gives him ample time to be just a little bit of a creep and gaze at him a little. He's got a purple shirt rolled up to the elbows underneath his black apron, and Thor would happily let those forearms crush him. He just looks  _sweet,_ albeit exhausted. Despite his many attempts, though, he can't seem to catch what the guy's nametag says. 

His phone buzzed, and he opened it to a snapchat of Loki, captioned  _where tf r u_ and flipping the bird at the screen. Shes wearing her signature  _I'm a girl today_ makeup and bracelet, and Thor made a mental note to remember that for when he actually shows up. He typed back a quick  _getting coffee_ and ignored the subsequent  _get me a cappuccino_ that followed.

"One lightning latte for the god of thunder," broke him out of his thoughts, and he glanced up to see his drink placed by him. He shot the barista a smile, and finally managed to eye the nametag -  _Bruce._

"Thanks," he said quickly, remembering his manners, and picked up the drink, shoving his phone back into his pocket and ignoring the buzzing. It was most likely just Loki telling him she's bored and is going to leave without him (she's not).

As he left, he glanced back at Bruce, who was right back to taking orders, and sipped from his coffee. Which immediately burnt his tongue and he hissed, because this wasn't a movie and the coffee wasn't suddenly cool enough to drink. 

 _Get your own cappuccino,_ he ended up texting back to Loki, who sent him a middle finger emoji and told him to hurry up. 

* * *

Thor returned to Tempest in a Teapot after not very long. It wasn't the coffee that drew him back - if he was honest, it was mediocre at best - but rather the possibility of seeing Bruce again.

"Hey, its the only one who actually fits these drinks!"

He was in luck. Bruce was grinning goofily at him from across the counter, and the sight made his mouth go a little dry. 

"Another lightning latte, thunder god?"

"You remembered," Thor said a little awkwardly, though its making little fireworks go off in his chest. "Oh, and one hurricane cappuccino, too." That would stop Loki from complaining - because once again, he was meeting his little sibling in order to let them bitch about how shit the audition opportunities have been lately. Thor kept telling them to get an agent that would actually do shit rather than drink, party and make inappropriate passes at Loki, but they insisted that En Dwi Gast was the best in the business.

"Coming right up!"

Bruce had help that day, another barista - a woman, with a curly red bob and an air about her that suggested she was terrifying to be on the wrong side of, and she was the one who started making the drinks as Thor counted out his change and deposited it into the hand of a patient Bruce. One of these days he really had to find his credit card. It may well have been mauled by Hela's dog.

He doesn't get another chance to talk to Bruce before he leaves, resolving to come in again and partake in an actual conversation. Somehow.

* * *

When he does come in next, the coffee shop is empty, and Bruce is leaning on the counter clearly deeply focused on a book about... theoretical physics. A scientific man, then.

"Hey," he said, waving awkwardly, and it takes a second for Bruce to glance up and startle, his glasses falling down his nose a little.  _Thats adorable,_ Thor thought, before wondering exactly when he developed a crush on the coffee shop barista he's met a total of three times. "Am I interrupting?"

"No, no, not at all. Sorry. I'm not meant to read on the job, but there was no one around..." Bruce scratched the back of his neck and adjusted his glasses, going a tiny bit pink. 

"I don't mind. What are you reading?"

" _A Study in Theoretical Physics._ I promise its more interesting than it sounds."

"I don't doubt it. May I have a look?"

Dubiously, Bruce passed the book over to Thor, who scanned the back and nodded slightly. A touch advanced for him. His high school level of scientific knowledge could only carry him so far, and he'd had not much interest in studying it at college, but he'd read enough books to have a pretty broad knowledge base.

"As I thought," Thor commented sagely as he passed the book back, nodding like he knew what he was talking about.

"What is?"

"Not a clue what its about." That was a teensy bit of a lie, but it was worth it - Bruce chuckled, and it made his stomach twist up into little gay knots. Seriously,  _where_ had this crush come from?

"Oh, right, I need to do my job. Another lightning latte?"

"Sure. But I'll have it here today. Unless you mind me being here?"

"Of course not. What kind of bad employee would I be if I did?"

"So how come someone as smart as you is working as a barista?" Thor asked as he pulled out his wallet. Bruce waved him away and turned around, making the latte.

"This ones on the house. For keeping me company. And its easy money, really. I have to fund my thesises somehow."

"Thesises?"

"Is that not the plural term? Does it even  _have_ a plural term? Here you are, by the way," he said as he passed Thor the latte.

"I'd have gone with thesi, but I mean for what?"

"Oh. For my PhDs. I'm working on my fifth."

Thor almost spat out his coffee. "You have  _five PhDs?_ "

Bruce flushed red. "Well, technically four-"

"And you're working in a  _coffee shop_?"

"Yeah. Its kinda embarrassing, but its a low-stress environment and I have a... _history_ with the owners, and I guess you've noticed the shops pretty understaffed so I was offered the job. Its a nice place to work. Of course, I'd prefer to be doing something more scientific, but theres free coffee and its peaceful, so I can get a lot of studying done."

"Wow. Now I feel bad for being so shocked."

"Oh, no, you're fine. What do you do, then, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I work with animals. Reptiles, mostly. I generally work in the reptile house at the nearby zoo."

"Thats awfully specific."

"Well, you know. I love snakes, what can I say."

As they talked, Thor found himself leaning closer and closer to Bruce, across the counter. He started to drop the cheery customer service act, and the real him was even sweeter than Thor could have imagined. He was smart, and kind, and the crush-that-Thor-didn't-want-to-call-a-crush was growing by the minute.

When his coffee ran out, Bruce gave him another one, and Thor insisted on paying this time, even if it did mean he couldn't buy the book he wanted to get. It was worth it to keep chatting.

But before long another customer came in, and Bruce sprung right back into customer service mode, instead of the snarky, awkward nerd Thor had been talking to, and he missed him immediately. 

The butterflies in his stomach didn't bode well.

* * *

"So ask him out." Hela shrugged as though it was obvious, leaning over the sink and working dye into her hair. Thor rolled his eyes.

"If it were that simple, don't you think I'd have done it already?"

Grabbing the applicator bottle, Hela squeezed some more black dye into her hair and turned to face Thor, pointing a black gloved finger at him.

"No. Because you're a loser who's somehow too awkward to make the first move, despite having people throw themselves at your feet."

Thor frowned. "Is that my shirt?"

Glancing down at the shirt covered in black stains, Hela snorted and turned back to the sink, returning to running dye through her hair. "Yeah. Stole it from you three years ago. I wear it every time I dye my hair. You never noticed."

" _Why_? Wait, no, more importantly, _how_?"

"Stop changing the subject. Back to how you're a dumbass who refuses to ask a guy out."

"He's just amazing, Hela. He's so kind, and sweet, and thoughtful..."

Hela makes a gagging sound. "Disgusting. Bone him and get on with it."

"You're so gross. Are you almost done?"

"You know you can leave. I didn't ask for you to come over, you invited yourself in."

"I was hoping for some decent advice from my big sister."

"You expect a lot of me."

"I expect the bare minimum."

"Aaand done." Hela stepped back from the sink, hair fully coloured. She pulled a plastic cap over her hair before peeling back the blackened gloves and tossing them in the trash.

"You look stupid," Thor said, smirking, and Hela glared daggers at him in the mirror.

"You shut up, or I'll dye your golden locks black too. And if you're sticking around, chip in for me ordering a pizza. I have half an hour to kill before I can rinse this."

"Half an hour of looking stupid," Thor muttered but backed off as Hela raised the dye bottle threateningly.

"What do.you want on top?" she asked, tapping away at her phone, but before Thor could answer she was already talking into it. "Yeah, hi, can we get a large pizza with anchovies, mushrooms, jalapeño, pineapple..." _What do you want?_ she mouthed at Thor.

"No jalapeño," Thor said.

"Make that extra jalapeño," Hela said into the phone with a sly grin. Thor smirked. He loved jalapeño.

* * *

"So you really think I should just go for it?" Thor asked half an hour later, mouth full of pizza. "Like, just ask him out?"

Hela groaned, once again hunched over the sink, this time rinsing black down the sink. "Are we really back on this again? You know my stance. Why don't you ever ask Brunnhilde or Loki or Heimdall or Sif or someone about this stuff? See, its not like you're short on options."

"Sif and Heimdall, yeah, thats fair, but do you really think Brun or Loki would give better advice than you in a situation like this?"

"You make a good point, but at the same time hearing about your love life is so _boring_. I want you to bother someone else with it for a change."

"Alright, fine. Maybe I will just ask him out."

Hela mock-cheered, before rolling her eyes and returning to staining her sink black. "I'm glad we got that sorted. Will you walk Fenrir for me?"

"What is your problem with walking your own dog?"

" _Hey._ I walk him all the time. He's my evil fluffy little wolf. But I need to wash my hair properly soon, and he needs his walk soon, and the two don't match up."

"Did you consider dying your hair at a different time?"

"Interesting proposition. But no. Treat him nice. Leash is on the hook by the door."

"You're the worst."

As Thor turned to leave, Hela threw a middle finger up at him, and he shot one right back, before whistling for Fenrir, who came bounding toward him excitedly from where he was probably destroying more stolen items of Thor's, somewhere in Hela's apartment. Either that or crunching on one of the  _literal bones_ she had lying around (not even for Fenrir, which would be understandable - no, Thor's older sister just had truly questionable taste in decor).

"Come on, boy," he said, patting his knees and bracing himself for when Fenrir rammed himself into him as hard as possible in an attempt to knock him over. "Hela can't be bothered to walk you, so you've got me."

"Thats not true!" Hela yelled from the bathroom as Thor clipped the leash onto Fenrir's collar and left without another word.

Technically, Hela wasn't allowed pets in her apartment building at all, let alone dogs. At first Thor had wondered how she made her way around it - especially as Fenrir's hardly subtle - but then he remembered its Hela. She probably steamrollered her way through the rules and rewrote them to suit herself. Nothing about Hela was exactly rule-abiding. Which explained why no one complained about her blasting rock music at ungodly hours loud enough to hear from the ground floor.

Fenrir trotted along, surprisingly obedient. Thor hadn't walked him in a while, so he guessed Hela had finally invested in a decent trainer for the  _beast from hell,_ as Loki lovingly called him. Either that or Fenrir was plotting an entirely unforeseen turn of events likely resulting in Thor paying a lot of money or ending up in a lake somewhere (it had happened).

Unwilling to squeeze lake water out of his boxers for a third time after walking Fenrir, Thor was on edge all the way to the park, prepared for the beast from hell to unleash chaos. They made it there without incident, though, and Thor unclipped the leash and let Fenrir zoom off around the green, barking wildly at nothing in particular.

Thor located a bench and sat down, sighing and finding his phone overrun by Snapchat messages from the younger of his two goth siblings. Really, sometimes Thor felt like the adopted one. He certainly looked it.

> DEVIL CHILD  
>  hey do u want to come hang out w me and brun  
>  shes got vodka bc u know  
>  its brunnhilde  
>  where even r u  
>  are you off being nerdy somewhere  
>  hellooooo  
>  if youre getting coffee again brun wants an irish coffee  
>  she says she wants to put vodka in it too  
>  bc coffee shops make it too weak  
>  seriously where are you

> ME  
>  helas making me walk her hell beast

> DEVIL CHILD  
>  haha loser  
>  why doesnt she walk him i thought shed do anything for that dog

> ME  
>  shes dying her hair  
>  which i still dont understand her hairs close enough to black anyway why does she need it darker

There was a particularly loud growl a little way away that sounded awfully Fenrir-ish, followed by a bark, a yelp and a thump. Thor shot up, pocketing his phone and whistling for Fenrir, concerned that he knocked someone down, and rounded a corner to see what he expected - Fenrir pinning a man to the ground, the mans own dog barking furiously. 

"Fenrir!" he yelled, and Fenrir hopped off the man, only to immediately start barking furiously at the other dog. "I'm so sorry," Thor continued, rushing to the man's side and holding out a hand. "I- hey, its you!"

To Thor's surprise, it was Bruce sprawled on the ground, his glasses knocked off by the force of Fenrir knocking him down. He looked just as surprised as Thor did.

"Hey," he said, allowing Thor to pull him up off the ground. "I didn't expect to see you here. Um. Is this your dog?"

"Shit." Thor whistled for Fenrir, and when that didn't deter him from snapping at Bruce's dog, he gently pulled him away and clipped his leash back on. "I'm sorry about him. He's not actually mine, he's my sister's, and she thinks his aggressiveness is cute. Its not. I thought she'd trained him."

Bruce smiled awkwardly, petting his own dogs head. It was so big he barely even had to bend down. "This is Hulk. He hates almost everything, especially me."

"Doesn't look like he hates you."

"He can play nice when he wants to. Plus he loves affection. So, uh, how are you?"

 _Desperate to kiss you,_ Thor wanted to say, but instead he just smiled. "I'm alright. How goes _A Study in Theoretical Physics_?"

"Oh, I finished that."

Thor thought back to when he'd seen Bruce reading it only a few days before. He'd been a few pages in at most, and the book had been remarkably thick. "Oh. Wow. You read  _fast._ "

Bruce blushed. "Yeah. I know its kinda weird, especially for such a boring topic, but uh. I find it interesting."

"Well, I- oh, shit." Thor's phone started ringing in his pocket and he frowned apologetically, pulling it out to see Loki's contact displayed on his screen. "I'm sorry. Do you mind?"

"Not at all."

"What do you want, Loki?" Thor asked sharply, answering the phone. From the corner of his eye he could see Bruce mouth  _Loki?_ to himself and smile, amused.

There was some crackly static on the other end of the line, before Loki started speaking. "Thor, whats the nutritional value of vodka?"

"Seriously? You called just to ask me that?"

"Well, I was arguing with Brunnhilde, and she thinks it has vitamins. I think it has shit-all, but we figured you'd know."

"Google exists, Loki."

"Yeah. But its so much fun to annoy you."

"Look, I'm with someone I know, and-"

"Yeah, we know. We're in the same park as you."

"..What?"

The line went dead, but before Thor knew it Loki and Brunnhilde sprung out of nowhere and were immediately far too comfortable. Brun was holding a massive bottle of vodka and studying the label carefully.

"I'm telling you, nothing," Loki said to Brunnhilde, before turning to Thor with far too cocky a grin, whilst simultaneously scratching Fenrir between the ears. "Hello there, brother." 

Thor did not look happy. "Hello."

"Uh, hi," Bruce added. "Who are you guys?"

"I'm telling you it has  _something!_ " Brunnhilde replied to Loki, before turning to Bruce. "Hi. I'm Brunnhilde. Or Valkyrie, or Scrapper, or 142, I'm not picky. Do you know what the nutrition shit of vodka is?"

"Yeah, actually. Its basically nothing. Its carb-free, and it has pretty much nothing else. Diabetics can drink it without injecting. Unless it has added flavourings."

"Ha HA!" Loki almost yelled at Brun, before holding out their hand to Bruce. "I'm Loki. Thor's sibling."

"Bruce Banner."

"Alright, this is all very fun," Thor said irritably as Bruce and Loki shook hands. "But seriously, what are you guys doing here?"

"You wouldn't come hang out with us and you stopped replying, so we thought you'd died, maybe, and we had to come and pick up your body. Either that or hell-beast mauled you."

"And how'd you know where I was?"

"Snap map, baby," Brun interjects, wiggling her eyebrows. "You really need to get with the times."

"Time!" Bruce outburst, and they all turned to look at him. "I'm sorry. I have to go. I told Tony I'd be at the lab in ten minutes. But it was...  _nice,_ meeting you guys." He smiled at Thor, who absolutely melted on the inside. "I'll see you at the shop sometime?"

"Yeah. Uh. Bye."

Bruce walked off a little awkwardly, Hulk following, and Thor gazed after him, forlorn.

"So  _thats_ the guy you've been pining after," Loki said, amused, and Thor whipped round lightning-fast. 

"No!" he hissed, all too quickly, and Brun raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. "Okay, maybe a little."

"Aaww, Thor's got a  _crush._ "

"Fuck off."

"So, do you want to come hang out with us or not?"

"Sure, why not."

Fenrir barks, and Thor chuckles, leaning down to pet him. "No, I haven't forgotten you, demon dog. Maybe we should take him back to Hela first. She might kill someone if she doesn't see her baby soon."

"Yeah, ok. Let's go."

* * *

The next day, when Thor walked into the coffee shop, to his dismay the person at the till wasn't Bruce. It was the redhead lady he'd seen once before, but only from behind. 

"Hi. Welcome to Tempest in a Teapot, may I take your order?" Her voice was crisp and clipped, and Thor immediately missed Bruce's welcoming warmth. 

"Yeah, I'll have a lightning latte."

Just as he really got into lamenting that Bruce wasn't there to call him thunder god and make sarcastic quips and generally be wonderful, the man himself came out of a store room, holding a crate of something or other and using his shoulder to push open the door.

"Natasha, do we have- oh, hey!" He spotted Thor midway through his sentence and gave him a lopsided smile, and Thor could just melt on the spot.

"Bruce, you got the coffee, yeah? Name?" Natasha, apparently, continued, directing the last word at Thor. Bruce nods, setting the crate down next to the machines.

"Don't worry, Nat. I got this. We know each other." 

As Thor fumbled for his change (seriously, a credit card had to happen sometime soon), Bruce started to make his order, and Thor felt a little thrill run through him when he realised Bruce remembered his order. Granted, it was simple as hell - literally just a basic drink off the menu - but  _still._ It made Thor smile.

He moved away so Natasha could serve the person behind him, and stood waiting for his drink and trying not to stare too noticeably. It didn't take long for Bruce to slide the takeaway cup to Thor and, if Thor wasn't seeing things, to wink slightly.

Thor got a good twenty feet away from the coffee shop before he actually glanced at the name on the cup and turned red.

It was addressed to  _Thunder God,_ followed by  _fancy getting coffee sometime? we can go somewhere other than here!_

And below that was a phone number.

* * *

Thor spent a long time just staring at that phone number. Once he got home, at least. He didn't just stand in the street, fantasizing.

He was just considering what it  _meant._ The message was pretty clearly at least a little flirty. Or was he reading into it too much? No, he was sure that it was flirty. Probably. Hopefully?

With a sigh, he punched the number into his phone and tried to decide on a contact name.

_Cute Guy_

Delete.

_Coffee Shop Guy_

Delete.

_Bruce_

Hmm.

_Bruce (Cute Coffee Shop Guy)_

Yes, perfect.

He subsequently spent a good few minutes staring at the number on  _there._ Eventually he came to the conclusion that, given the fact that Bruce gave him his number, he wanted him to text. And he invited him to coffee. Definitely flirtatious. Although, their prior relationship was entirely built around coffee, so maybe not? But it didn't have to be there...

Batting away the thoughts flying around his head, Thor frowned and typed out a text.  _Hey. Its Thor._ No, too formal.  _whats up its thor_ \- definitely too casual. Plus, he couldn't help feeling like he needed a reason to text, besides  _I've only met you a few times but you're amazing and I want to take you out and spend all the money I don't have on you._

He settled on  _hey bruce, just checking i have the right number. this is thor!_

Bruce didn't reply for a while, leaving Thor somewhat anxious, but he just assumed he was busy with work and attempted to get on with his day. Which was near impossible when every single time his phone buzzed he would grab it frantically and check it. Nearly every time it was Loki, though a couple of times it was Hela telling him he owed her for the pizza. That one he replied to, telling her that Fenrir ate his credit card. He had no idea if that was true or not, but he still had his suspicions.

Eventually his fervour for checking his phone died out, so when it buzzed again he barely registered that it was a text from Bruce and had to do a double take.

_hey thor! yeah, its me, don't worry :)_

_cool. so about that coffee_

_oh, do you not want to? its cool if not, im not gonna force you_

_no of course i want to!!! i just figured maybe a time and place would be necessary_

_oh yeah haha_  
_have you been to coffeeheim?_

_yeah, i think one of my friends works there actually_

_do you wanna go there?_

_id be happy to go anywhere to be honest_

_alright then tomorrow at 3?_

_sounds good!_

_then its a date :)_

_:D_

Thor spent the rest of the day absolutely floating on a cloud.

* * *

He woke up the next morning feeling sick with anticipation. It was already 12, him having slept in wildly (he'd stayed up late the night before  _maybe_ binging shows on Netflix and getting very little sleep), and as soon as he was conscious enough he grabbed his phone and called Loki.

"What do you want?" Loki asked grumpily.

"We need a meeting, immediately. My place. Get everyone."

Loki groaned and hung up, and Thor could only hope he'd gather everyone.

Surprisingly, within ten minutes Thor's friends and siblings were all gathered at Thor's apartment. Hela, Loki, Heimdall, Brunnhilde, Sif, and- well, okay, not all. Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg made no appearance, but then again Thor was pretty sure they were all working - in fact, Hogun was the one who worked at Coffeeheim. He was amazed that none of the others were, actually. He was also, once again, amazed by how terribly they had all been named.

"So why are you calling an emergency meeting at 12:15pm?" Heimdall asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, and why are you in your pyjamas?" Sif added.

"Well, okay, I overslept. And I'm calling the meeting because I have a date in just under three hours-" There was an outcry of almost-sarcastic cheers. "-and I haven't been on a date since Jane. And I have no idea what to wear or do."

"You finally asked the guy out, then?" Hela asked. Thor avoided her gaze, and she groaned. "Are you kidding me? _He_  had to ask _you_ out?"

"Oh come on, brother. Don't you flirt with almost everyone?"

"I  _did._ I don't  _anymore._ "

"Dates are easy," Brun chips in. "You just rent a movie, order a pizza, bone down. Simple."

Hela pointed approvingly at Brun. "I like the way she thinks."

"I'm not going to have sex on the first date. Besides, its a coffee date."

Brun makes a vomiting noise. "Boring."

"You realise this is why you don't have a partner," Loki commented, and Brunnhilde wrinkled her nose at him.

"Stay out of it, Lackey."

"Just be yourself, Thor," Heimdall commented, impressively steering the conversation back on track. "But not too much." He winked, and Thor rolled his eyes.

"Why do you need our help, again?" Sif asked, and Thor was forcibly reminded of the awkward encounter they'd had when she liked him and it wasn't reciprocated. She was very nice about it, and- oh, god, what if that happened to Thor?

"Because I have no idea what I'm doing and on average you all have  _some_ experience."

"Just do what comes naturally," Hela said, clapping Thor on the shoulder in a rare moment of genuine protective sisterly love. "And can we raid your fridge?" Moment ruined.

"There's barely anything except leftovers, but sure?"

Immediately, they all scrambled out of their seats and ran to Thor's kitchen except Heimdall. But it didn't take long for Heimdall to grimace apologetically and follow suit, leaving Thor wondering why he even bothered.

* * *

The hours rolled by quickly, and Thor found himself nervously checking his own reflection, his manner uncharacteristically nervous, just ten minutes before he was due to meet Bruce. His friends (having refused to leave) regarded him carefully as he gave a small spin.

"Is this outfit okay?"

Brunnhilde, not looking and lying fully across Thor's armchair, groaned and threw another piece of popcorn in her mouth. "Its as good as the rest of them. You're gonna be late, you know."

"Well I wouldn't be if you guys didn't veto every outfit I own!"

"No, this ones okay," Loki commented, nodding approvingly. The others murmured in agreement and Thor breathed a sigh of relief. They'd rejected almost every piece of clothing he tried, until eventually he supposed the tank top and shorts he was wearing struck gold.

"Show off those puny things you call biceps," Hela teased jokingly. 

"But take a jacket," Sif added. "In case he gets cold. Then you can be a gentleman and offer it to him."

Thor nodded. "Good call."

Hela tossed him his jacket lying across the couch, and he pulled it on to approving noises.

"Okay. Thank you for all your help, but I want you all gone by the time I get back. And I don't want any of you calling me while I'm out," Thor said, making evil eyes at Loki and Brun. "Because I will not pick up. And don't you dare show up. You can eat my food though, so long as one of you loans me your credit card." There was a chorus of "whoa!"s and "hey!"s, and Thor rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure Fenrir ate mine, like I've already told Hela. But she won't listen, and I have yet to get a new one, and I am not getting shown up and expecting him to pay for it."

"You can borrow En Dwi's," Loki said casually, pulling a card out of his pocket. "Pin is 6969. I wish I was kidding."

"Whoa, hey, how did you get this?" Thor asked, taking his sibling's agent's (likely stolen) credit card and peering at it. Loki shrugged.

"Stole it."

"Of course you did. Get a new agent. I'll see you all later."

They all yelled out "bye" as he checked for his keys, phone and wallet and left, heart pounding in his throat with nervousness. Much as his friends annoyed him sometimes, he definitely felt better about the date thanks to their advice. Not that he'd ever tell any of them except Heimdall or Sif that. He'd never live it down.

When he reached Coffeeheim, Bruce was rocking on his heels outside, checking his watch and looking fairly nervous himself. Thor's heart skipped forward and then decided to just stop for a couple of seconds when Bruce spotted him, smiled and waved.  Bruce had 4 PhDs, which made him a doctor⁴, which meant that Thor's brain was forcing him to picture Bruce restarting his heart with defibrillators. Which made zero sense, because it definitely wasn't the hottest scene he's sure he could dream up. He chalked it up to nerves and the fact that pretty boys occasionally fry his brain.

"Hey, Thor," Bruce said, looking relieved. "I'm glad you're here. I was starting to think I'd been stood up."

"I would never!" Thor replied immediately, a little bit hurt. It was understandable though, he thought. If the roles had been reversed he'd certainly have thought Bruce would stand him up. The guy was way out of Thor's league. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"I don't mind. Now that you are here, though, shall we go in?"

"Of course." A little awkwardly, Thor offered Bruce his arm, playing it off by wiggling his eyebrows jokingly, and Bruce chuckled. "My good sir."

"Why, how polite of you," Bruce replied, holding Thor's arm as though Thor was escorting him and playing along. Thor internally cheered, but externally merely pushed the door open and breathed in the sweet scent of coffee.

They got in line and Bruce started scanning the drinks board. "You'd think I'd hate coffee shops," he commented, glancing at Thor. "You know, working in one all the time. But they're always wonderful."

Thor didn't look at the drinks board. He was too busy gazing at the man on his arm. Which meant, naturally, when they came to order, he was caught off guard. It was odd having to actually order, rather than having Bruce know his order already.

"So I've been meaning to ask," Thor began as they sat down at a table in the corner of the shop, whilst simultaneously taking a bite of the cookie he'd ordered.

"Hm?"

Suddenly caught on the spot with a mouthful of cookie and remembering Hela's oh-so-helpful advice of _for christs sake don't talk with your mouth full_ Thor had a brief moment of panic, and Bruce laughed (but in a nice way). "Take your time, Thor," he teased, and Thor shot him a playful glare.

"How'd you end up working there?" asked Thor, once he'd finally finished the cookie bite and gone an impressive shade of red. "At Tempest, I mean."

"Didn't I already tell you?"

"Not in any great detail."

"I'm warning you, its an especially dull story. I know the owner, Betty - we used to go out, actually. Her dad-" Bruce's face goes dark, angry, almost fearful. The hairs on Thor's neck immediately rise. If even mentioning the man was enough to make Bruce look like that, he must be awful. "Well, her dad and I didn't get along, lets say. There was an incident. It actually caused mine and Betty's breakup. We were apart for a long while, because what her dad did - well, it was kinda fucked up. I won't push that on you on a first date. Long story short I became a broke physicist - bit of an oxymoron - and jumped from PhD to PhD with very little money, and Betty reached out to me and offered me a job at her coffee shop. Well, to be precise it's her dad's. He's nicknamed Thunderbolt Ross. Hence the puns."

"And you weren't wary of working there?" Thor asked, fascinated and furious at the same time.

"Of course I hold a grudge against him, but I owe the fact that I have an apartment and money and food to Betty, so it eases the pain a little. Besides, if I saw him in person I have no doubts that I'd punch him on the spot. Its a good thing he never actually shows his face in the shop."

"It just seems odd that you and that red haired lady are the only baristas I've ever seen working there."

"Oh, Natasha?" Bruce shook his head laughingly. "We used to date too, for like a week. But we're good friends, and when I mentioned working for Betty's dad she got fiercely protective and insisted on taking a job there too. We're generally the only people there because the other baristas are... lazy. So we end up working way more than our share of shifts."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"Well, I guess its not. But the pays good - I think Betty feels guilty about the whole incident - and its peaceful, like I said before. So long as I forget about Thaddeus, its wonderful."

"Don't the puns and names remind you of him?"

"They did. But now they remind me of someone else."

"Who?"

"Take a guess."

Thor mulled it over, squinting at the table and taking a thoughtful sip of his non-lightning latte. Bruce watched him with an affectionate smile, before rolling his eyes.

"A certain thunder god?" he said sarcastically, and Thor turned pink and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Me?" he asked.

"Thor, I hate to admit it. But I've had a crush on you ever since you first walked into the shop, what, like a couple weeks ago? I never made a move because I figured you were way out of my league."

" _What_? If anything, _you're_ out of  _my_ league!"

They stared at each other for a second, before both devolving into laughter. Bruce recovered first, hiding his smile behind a sip of his cappuccino as Thor gathered himself and gazed warmly at Bruce.

"So what made you finally decide to go for it?"

"You remember when we met at the park, and I said I had to be at the lab?"

"Yeah."

"Well, when I got there I couldn't stop thinking about you. I told Tony, and after a good few minutes of laughing at me, he gave me some solid advice. Which was quite simply to just go for it, and if I got rejected then who cared? I explained that _I_ cared, and he changed his tune a little. He told me that anyone would be crazy to turn me down."

"Well, they would."

"Aw. You're sweet."

"I'd like to meet this Tony. He sounds like a man with good taste."

Bruce laughed. "You'd be surprised."

They talked and talked, laughing and joking and exchanging quips and anecdotes. Thor had never felt so comfortable on a first date - it felt like he'd known Bruce for years and was merely rediscovering him, like he'd known him and lost him and recovered him on some sort of alien planet. When they left, Bruce didn't hang onto Thor's arm, he interlinked their hands, and Thor could sense that this was the first of many dates to come.

* * *

 

A few months passed. Thor and Bruce grew closer and closer, hitting milestones in their relationship head-on, and now when Thor woke up he almost always had the pleasure of looking beside him to see Bruce, either sleeping or already sat up in bed, scribbling away at one of his work notebooks.

Today was no different, Thor waking up to see Bruce sat up, writing some equation or other down off the top of his head. Thor watched him lovingly for a few moments, marveling at how intelligent one man could be.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, voice gravelly from waking up, and Bruce jumped slightly, having been so focused he didn't notice Thor's awakening.

"Morning, sleepyhead," he mumbled, leaning in to press a kiss to Thor's lips but immediately reeling back, wrinkling his nose. "Gross. Morning breath."

Thor thought for a second, before smiling. "Should I make the coffee for once, my love?"

Bruce groaned before it turned into a chuckle. " _Finally_. It took you this long to offer," he joked, grinning playfully. "If your breath didn't stink I'd kiss you so hard right now."

"I've made coffee before!" Thor protested. Bruce just kissed his fingers and pressed them to Thor's lips, prompting him to get up and out of bed. Before heading to the kitchen, though, Thor took a moment to look at how pretty Bruce looked in the soft morning light filtering through the blinds, familiar wire frames slipping down his nose, his face gentle and relaxed, not tense like it so often was.

He'd never been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> this took me four days to write and it may well be an incoherent mess bc proofreading? beta reading? who r they? live fast die young write bad
> 
> comment for one (1) free coupon for jones bbq and foot massage


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